When Social Media turns people TOXIC...

Hi there! Meet Nix. Nix is the protagonist of this small blog post. That’s obviously not a real name. Judgements will be made on Nix based on what I write here but I don’t want them to be unnecessary ones based Nix’s real name, gender, faith etc. Therefore, I will keep this post gender neutral and address Nix as Nix.

Nix is a superstar. Or at least Nix thinks that. Nix wants people to think Nix is an introvert, because introverts are often mistaken as thinkers, but Nix actually loves meeting new people. And once Nix meets them, Nix wants them to know how awesome an individual Nix is! For many years Nix wondered how to let the world know of Nix’s unbelievable talents. Finally, the miracle of social media came to Nix’s rescue. Nix was ecstatic! Now Nix could show people what an amazing personality Nix has without having to interact with them at all! What more could an attention craving person ask for!

So, today Nix is on all major social media sites. Facebook, Instagram, and even TikTok! Nix was a bit disappointed by WhatsApp as it was meant only for chats with the people one knows. But then WhatsApp status happened! Nix isn’t on Twitter though. Who needs Twitter anyway?!? It’s for people who need to stay in touch with events happening around the world in real time. You know, real information - news, current affairs and all that. How boring!

Nix is quite active on each of the social media sites. Nix has become very popular among colleagues. They see Nix as an up and coming social media influencer. Nix can’t believe how every single person in the office group loves Nix. Not that Nix is complaining. Nix loves the way Nix  is pampered by others, sought out for selfies and invited to parties. Someone tried mentioning how Nix’s social circle is full of sycophants; that Nix is living in a bubble, but then that guy got tossed out of the group. Who needs people who give you constructive feedback anyway? True friends are those who keep praising you no matter what. 

Nix doesn’t like people who don’t give Nix the amount of importance Nix deserves. Nix once reluctantly went to a party with some of Nix’s older friends, people who have known Nix from much before Nix’s ‘celebrity’ status. Nix knew these friends would see right through the facade that Nix had so painstakingly created, so Nix just focussed on the cell-phone the entire time, hardly interacting with anyone, hardly paying attention to what was happening at the party. The others didn’t care two hoots about Nix’s craving to be the centre of the universe and just went about chatting among themselves, reliving old memories. Once Nix was back, Nix complained about how everyone seemed so indifferent and fake. But Nix’s next post was about how old friendships are so special and how we have lost touch with our true friends due to our hectic life and how we all should take the time out to meet and spend time with our real friends rather than just poking them online. No one knows what Nix truly feels anyway, that's the magic of this medium!

For Nix, every moment of the day is a potential new post. Nix walks around with a phone everywhere, scared that an opportunity to capture something special would go by. That could cost Nix a hundred likes. You wouldn’t want that now, would you? When Nix is working, Nix posts a pic of the laptop. When Nix is watching a movie at home, Nix posts a picture of the television. Just so that people can get it, you know. Others might not be as bright as Nix. 

Nix doesn’t write very well. Attempts were made to make a mark in writing, but they failed spectacularly, to the extent that Nix’s own sycophantic ‘Instafam’ reduced their reactions to ‘Nice’ rather than the usual superlatives. So now, Nix mostly shares posts written by others. Now that’s much easier - share an article as is, or with maybe with just a foreword of a line or two. If the article is good, Nix gets credit for how Nix is such a forward thinking, path breaking individual. If it isn’t, then it wasn’t Nix’s piece of work anyway. Social media is just a gift that keeps on giving.

Nix knows it all. Nix posts on everything that is trending. Who cares about the content anyway! What matters is your visibility in every discussion of note. Ergo, Nix knows everything about politics, Nix knows everything about movies. Feminism, Racism, Communalism, Climate Change, Economy - you name it, Nix has a post on it. People are amazed that Nix hasn’t considered a career in the Civil Services. Nix would surely top the exam! Nix has a loving spouse and a cute kid. So, obviously Nix knows everything about married life and parenthood too. Duh! 

Good thing with social media is that people take everything you post as the honest truth. So if Nix’s spouse makes a smashing dish, Nix’s mother is looking after the baby and Nix is out of ideas for the next post, then what does Nix do? Just place the laptop on the table, the dish the spouse made next to it, borrow the baby for a moment and take a picture sitting in front of a laptop with a baby and food by the side. BAM! A post on how young parents are multitasking in the modern age. How intelligent Nix is! No wonder Nix on the way to become the next big social media influencer. Nix just can’t wait for fame to arrive at the doorstep.

People who know this online version of Nix come to Nix for advice. When Nix started getting queries Nix wasn’t sure about how to handle them, but then Nix realised that a crude web search is quite enough to give superficial advice. Nix now likes giving advice even when people don’t ask for it. It not just helps Nix get new content for future posts but also helps Nix reinforce that inner feeling that Nix is bringing about a change in other people’s lives. Whether that change is for good or bad, that is for the person getting the advice to figure out, isn’t it? 

If Nix sees a friend post two or three pictures in traditional attire (who is perfectly happy with her wardrobe by the way), Nix shoots an advice to her, ’”Wear more western wear, dear. There is no need to be shackled by the bondages of a conservative society. Walk out on your husband if he doesn’t allow you to wear what you like!” Cue a post on how patriarchy is a social evil. If Nix sees a friend post a few pics of home made food (something he has craved for ages after having to eat hotel food at his distant work location), Nix tells him, “Indian food isn’t everything. You should try Lasagna, it’s the best! Order it once bro!” Cue a post on how we as Indians don’t explore international cuisines. If Nix sees a friend who has gained a bit of weight over the last few months, Nix tells her, “Dude, you look like an elephant, do something about your weight or people might think you are the reason for the food shortage in the country!” Cue a post on how fat shaming is bad and should not be encouraged. Hypocrisy you say? Who cares? The people following Nix think of Nix as a Messiah, the next great social reformer after Raja Ram Mohan Roy. That’s all that matters. Nix loves this about social media - everlasting deniability, minimum accountability and maximum profitability. 

Social media, in its various shapes and forms has become such an integral part of our life now that it seems unimaginable that we were pretty happy with our lives just about a decade ago when we hadn’t heard of these ‘magical’ things and life was simpler and so uncomplicated. Social media has been nothing short of incredible in shrinking the world and making it more connected, more accessible than ever before. But everything - as the age old adage goes - has its risks in excess. People have become so hooked to social media that they have stopped being social in person. There are many of us who are like Nix, so desperate to be liked by others, even by complete strangers, that they lose out on living a full life in the present, around friends that truly care. People have become caged, finding happiness in ‘likes’ and ‘shares’ on their posts, when in reality, the ‘likes’ they get are worth nothing more than a few seconds of self gratification.

We all have people like Nix in our lives. People who will try and mess up your life, knowingly or otherwise, in their desperation to be a universally liked figure. People who are literate but sadly not educated. People who don’t ask for permission before using your pictures to get more likes. People who claim your content as their own. People who will post almost every second of their lives on the internet despite knowing that literally anyone can get access to their personal information and use it for harm. People who might not even fully grasp what they are posting about but would still feel entitled to have an opinion about it. People who will impart unsolicited life lessons to others, even when they have absolutely no idea how to spend a happy life themselves.

Let these people go. They are toxic and they won’t do any good to you, in the present or in the future, let alone atone for their mistakes in the past. People like Nix won’t care about the fact that the advice they casually give off might actually end up harming others. They will watch gleefully as your world crumbles and then wash their hands off any responsibility for your loss. Such people end up damaging bonds and souring relationships - be it with family or with friends - some of which would have taken years to build and nurture. In truth, these people are so insecure with themselves that they need  to convince themselves that they belong, which ultimately governs all their actions online.

So, next time when you notice someone who interacts with you more online rather than in person, consider it as a red flag. Instead, identify the people who are there for you in flesh and blood, those whom you can trust blindly. You will always have a small group of friends who know you inside out and will be there with you through thick and thin. Stick with them. You will realise how light you feel when you’re around such people, how you can take any thought off your chest and they won’t judge you for it. It’s much MUCH better than having a thousand friends or followers on Facebook, none of whom will come to help you in an hour of need. 

Yes, we can’t avoid social media. We will have to be present in that space now that more and more aspects of our life - our education, our career - are intricately woven into the social media fabric. But always keep in mind - social media is to be sipped like a very expensive bottle of wine, not to be gulped down like beer. Because everyone knows that people who finish crates of alcohol too quickly, normally end up too drunk to remember who nicked their wallet or stole their car when they wake up with a hangover the next day.